my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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