What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
