you guys were way drunker than both of me
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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