i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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