They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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