No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
