When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
