also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
