So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
