yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
