Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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