So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
