Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
