evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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