Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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