you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
