while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
