stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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