He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
