the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Less talking, more tequila
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
