You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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