I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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