Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
