I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
