Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
