i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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