3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize
