I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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