i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
