I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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