The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
