Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
