I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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