they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
