Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
