Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
