I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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