Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
