discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
