I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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