Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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