i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
