God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
