drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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