I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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