I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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