oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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