Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
