Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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