he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
