I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
