3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
