I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
