I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
