Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize