puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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