Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
