Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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