So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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