I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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