I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
