Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Randomize
