DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
