I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
high people should be assigned attendants
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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