I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Someone came in the potted fern
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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