I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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