bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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