there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
