you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
