RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
