the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
