I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
try to milk me bitch
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