we have officially lost it.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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