Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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