Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
