Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
